The Blotto Workshop

The workshop….. it is the most important room of all Blotto riders residences.

Just writing these words with my grease-smeared fingers whilst wearing my oil-soaked clothing brings a smile to my face. It’s the place we would all rather be between the hours of 9-5 while not riding our machines.

Preferably situated next to the beer fridge, there should be a powerful aroma of man present. It will also have remnants of past questionable workmanship, including the litre of acetone you spilled over the floor when removing the glue off your old tubs, and the old Chinese takeaway container filled with degreaser you kicked over when you lovingly cleaned every tooth on your cassette.

This page was written for the for the more mechanically challenged riders in the Blotto peleton. Ferra, this page was written for you.

Here the Blotto experts divulge their race winning secrets and maintenance tips. The boys at Blotto know the only one that cares about their machine as much as they do is themselves. It’s why they don’t want the clown at the local bike shop to even look at their bike, let alone touch it.

Birdman will explain the nuances of every bottom bracket in detail and why every rider should be armed with this knowledge. It’s the ability to turn up to the start line and explain to the nearest competitor that they’re losing 10% of their power on their left crank because they are riding a mechanically inferior product.  Kippo will explain where all the major creaks and noises come from your bicycle, he tells me its not too much trouble and for a noise free machine you can expect to take your bike apart approximately 3 times a week. Ferra will detail his latest bike performance-enhancing purchases and if his wife asks, multiply the price he quotes you by factor of 4…. specialized S-works road shoe was “no more than $110, honey”. Hugo will have a chance to explain why his bicycle resembles the exploded diagram in the technical manual, why it is expertly placed around the kitchen floor in its constituent parts and why he is covered head to toe in olive oil. Once he’s done explaining this he might provide some tips on bike maintenance.

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